14 November 2009 ~ 0 Comments

A Much Older and More Valuable Girl

A Much Older and More Valuable Girl

I was 16 years old during the summer of 2002.

There was a 20 year old girl at camp who I had never really connected with, though she was always there and was one of the more respected staff members.  She was pretty cute and extremely smart – and ridiculously flirtatious with everyone.  She had a reputation for having hooked up with most of the older guys at camp, and most of them had fallen in love with her at some point over the past few years.  In my mind, she was the hottest girl at camp by far.  Every guy, as far as I knew, wanted her attention.

She had this flirtatious way about her that was completely designed to attract a guy’s attention.  It looked almost like a game, you could watch her methodically working a room and showing glowing affection to every single person.  People lit up around her.  Men melted around her.  She was the sexiest girl I’d probably ever known.  Not the prettiest, though she was cute, but she just oozed sex and yet was able to keep it classy.

Anyway, she was definitely in a league above mine.  Maybe even two leagues above mine.  Four years older for Christ’s sake.  In fact, she wasn’t even on my radar for potential romance until one specific afternoon.

I remember hanging out in the parking one day towards the end of summer and getting into a conversation with her.  She was showing extra interest in me, asking me about my perspectives on a few different things.  I was glad to give her any information she asked for.  We ended up sitting in her car for what seemed like forever, and I just never wanted to leave.  She was so damned interesting.  We drove into town and got a pint of ice cream and ate it together.  I found any excuse to keep our conversation going.

We talked about everything.  Books, boys, girls, relationships and drugs and social dynamics and who the hell knows what else.  I loved it.  She was brilliant.  She was particularly fascinated by people’s status, and how it went up and down relative to the events and the environments they interacted with all day long.  We talked about everybody at camp, and discussed each of their statuses as they related to other people.  She told me that I had very high status, particularly for someone of my age.  Social dynamics fascinated me, and she was teaching me about subtle things that I’d never picked up on before.

She had inspired me and brought me to new levels of thinking.  I had a new frame of reference, and it was all tied to her.  I was enthralled.

She had a boyfriend who was in law school.  However, she didn’t seem particularly interested in him at that moment, as he was far out of sight and out of mind.  When people were at camp, it was like the rest of the world just disappeared.  But still, she did have one.

As we got to know each other better, I built up my courage.  I decided to walk her to her tent one night, and invited myself in.  I was very nervous about how to play this one, because she was so much older and so damn perfect.  It still seemed completely ridiculous that she might be interested in me, but I was just taking this as far as I could.  So we talked until it was late into the night and then cuddled and fell asleep.  I really wanted to try to kiss her, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.  I was too damn nervous about fucking it up.  I liked her so much.

The next two nights I slept in her tent.  I wanted to make a move so badly.  Finally, it was the last night of camp and I knew I had to make a move, otherwise I would lose the chance.  I didn’t want to head home without at least some confirmation that she liked me too.

So I told her how I felt.  I told her that I was absolutely in love with her, and that I had always dreamed about her.  I was obsessed.  I wanted nothing more than to kiss her.  She said she had a boyfriend, and I said I didn’t care.  I asked to kiss her again, and she said we couldn’t because she was so much older than me, how would the other staff members react?

I said that I just wanted one kiss, 10 seconds and I would never ask again.  She thought about it for a while.  “Oh, godddd” she whispered.  “Alright, but we really are stopping after that.”

Wow.  It worked.

We kissed, and it was amazing.  I tried to kiss her again afterward, and she wouldn’t let me.  Fine.  That was enough, I was happy.  I really liked this girl.

I was extremely reluctant to go home.  She lived in the city, I lived in the suburbs.  But I had no interest in moving on to another girl.  I was not done with this girl.

This is the first post in a three-part series.  You can read the next post here.

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