16 November 2009 ~ 0 Comments

The Horrible Kisser

The Horrible Kisser

It was the summer of 2003, and I was 17 years old.

I went to a dork high school, and we had some really dorky clubs.  One of these clubs was called Quiz Bowl, and I joined it for some reason.  I don’t know why I joined it, because I didn’t hardly participate in anything in high school or college, but somehow I got roped into doing this.  I did like answering trivia questions, and I think I liked proving that I was smarter than other people, so that’s probably part of the reason I joined.  I’m a competitive little bastard.

But anyway, this team of ours ended up winning the state competition and going to nationals which were in Kansas City for a week over that summer.  I thought it was pretty exciting because I got to stay in a hotel, and there would be thousands of other high school kids in that same hotel competing in other academic events.  My goal for the week was to meet a girl and hook up with her in the sweet hotel rooms.

Exciting stuff!

So there was this one girl that was in a hotel room near ours and our little group ended up joining up with her little group for some of the week’s activities.  She was pretty cute, like a 7 or something.  Nothing great, but there were definitely a few of the guys competing for her attention.  So I decided that I had to get her.

We were at some kind of a water park  one evening and I jumped into conversation with some of the kids around her and kinda got her attention a little bit.  And then I made a couple jokes that went off well, and by the end of the night I could tell I had something going.  She was a little bit interested in me.

So I got her room number and invited her to hang out with us later that evening to grab some food or something.  Who knows, whatever 17 year old kids can find an excuse to do together.  She definitely seemed down for it.

It turned out that she couldn’t meet up that night because of some kind of curfew they imposed, but the next afternoon I called her room phone and invited her over to hang out that evening.  She accepted.

So later that evening she came over to my room and we watched some TV, and I’m pretty sure it was a little awkward but I decided that I was just going to make a move and that was it.  No comfort building here, I just thought it should be ON since we were on vacation for a week and in hotels and whatnot.  Every teenage girl wants to get it on under those circumstances right?

So I went for it, we started making out on my bed and BOOM I feel this tongue invading my personal space of my mouth, like reaching straight back to my tonsils.  It was gross, like slimy or something.  I don’t know how else to describe it.  What was a pretty cute girl turned into some kind of demon when she started making out.

I didn’t really know what to do.  I was psyched because she was really into it and I thought maybe I’d get a blowjob or something, but I just couldn’t turn off the feeling of grossness.

I immediately started thinking of excuses for how to get out of there.  I was no longer attracted to this girl, in fact she seemed more like a sexual predator than anything at this point.  But what could I do to get rid of her?

She started to move her head under the covers like she was going to go down “there” … and I had a moment to think about it, and I just tapped her on the shoulder and said “Hey, listen I know this is kinda bad timing but I have to head out to dinner with my team in a couple minutes so maybe we can do this a little bit later?”

And she was like all pawing at me, and I was all grossed out, and I started putting my clothes on and shooed her out.

Looking back on it, this was probably my first ever non-social circle hookup.  I mean, I guess it was sort of social circle because she was in our group and stuff, but I think it’s close enough since it was such a short time period.

Also, this is a very strange story for me to look back on now, because I definitely don’t think I’d ever turn down a BJ today no matter how bad a kisser the girl was.. so long as she was not a complete and total monster.  But then again, I wasn’t always a stone cold heartless lovemaking machine.

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